Sometimes people ask me what the very best comic of all time is. Or they SHOULD. I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t say, though, is X-Men 12. If you ask what my favorite comic was, I might say X-Men 12.
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| KEEP OUT! yells Cyclops. YOU CAN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS THING I CLEARLY KNOW ABOUT BECAUSE...um, because we TOTALLY trust you. |
As you’ll see above, this is the issue where we learn the ORIGIN OF PROFESSOR X. If you want to learn for yourself, DON’T READ ON. If you want to hear what I have to say on it, it’s because Professor X was a mutant and his bro, Cain Marko, was jealous and then became the Juggernaut and hated Prof. X. So. You know. That’s a good story. Xavier sits the X-Men down and tells them, at what would appear to be the most inopportune time, about his past. So there's our frame. And though Xavier tells the story, he evens it out by pointing out just how much he deserved Cain's hatred. There was one time where Cain started poking at all the ill-begotten trophies Charles had “earned” (by being a mutant) and Charles shoved him, then read his thoughts to gain the advantage in the fight. Yeah, so Cain’s a bully but Charles is also kind of a prick?
ANYWAY, Cain and Charles go off to the Korean War (after Cain jumps out of a car that plummets off a cliff with Charles inside. It’s cool, though, because Charles created a mental shield with his “E.S.P. powers,” which means extra-sensory perception/mind reading and doesn’t mean “holy crap I can keep myself shielded from falling off cliffs in cars,” weirdly. It doesn’t. I looked it up) and Cain decides to lay low in a cave for most of the war, despite Charles telling him that "THAT’S COURT-MARTIALABLE, YOU FOOL." And there he dons the crimson bands of Cyttorak and becomes the unstoppable Juggernaut.
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| Charles, do you realize what that means? |
AND HE’S ATTACKING THE SCHOOL FOR MUTANTS RIGHT NOW!
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| Couple of things here: Hank, you clearly know what a chair is. None of us buy that you've never sat in a chair before. Just...just sit down. Also, stop making light of Professor X's ridiculous story. And Jean's powers seem to be...womanly intuition? And by intuition, I mean she can see faces and interpret what feelings the person wearing them has. Invaluable skills. Strong female character. |
So everyone’s worried and Juggernaut is proving REALLY powerful. He gets through their actually pretty detailed defenses, including a wall of pure ice (geez, wonder who thought THAT one up, ICEMAN) and some logs that shoot sleep gas grenades out at him when he hits a trip wire! That’s a pretty cool defense, actually! I’m genuinely impressed by the work these high school students have done to defend their SCHOOL. It’s especially interesting when you consider that he appears to be the only one who could get through all these defenses and none of these students have the faintest idea who he is. They are only learning about him JUST NOW. Look, Professor X, I know you’ve been busy with all your intense training schedules and what-not for these kids, but maybe you should have warned them that your brother is an unstoppable being who totally hates you. Because you know what time isn’t a really appropriate time to tell your students about Juggernaut? When Juggernaut’s attacking your students. Professor X disagrees.
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| TIME IS RUNNING OUT! Gather round, children, gather round. No time to tarry! He could kill us any second and you have to know why. |
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| Look Bobby, I'm in the middle of something here. Just chill out. Do you guys get it? Chill out. Because of the ice. |
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| HANK, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STOP BUTTING IN AGAIN. One more interruption and I'll have to give you a detention and you won't be allowed to fight Juggernaut. |
Well at least you have your priorities straight, Professor. Look, are you even a professor, or did you just tell a bunch of dumb kids you were?
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