All-New X-Men 32, Uncanny X-Men 26, Wolverine and the X-Men 9

All-New X-Men 32

The time-displaced X-Men have been sent to the Ultimate Universe by the uncanny powers of a new mutant they overwhelmed because they are just terrible at this and why does anyone leave these dumb kids alone for more than even a minute? Anyway, Beast ends up in Ultimate Latveria, Iceman ends up with Ultimate Mole Man, X-23 ends up in an Ultimate football game and on the run from Ultimate cops, Angel ends up in Ultimate Savage Land with Ultimate Wolverine, and Jean Grey ends up with Ultimate Spider-Man, whose mind she reads to learn where she is and who escorts her to Amadeus Cho, who has been working with the portal to the 616 universe. Of course, it's disappeared by now and the original X-Men, already stuck out of time, are stuck out of their dimension.

On the plus side, now that the X-Men have been stuck out of time and space, there are very few places they can get stuck that would be new to them. Also on the plus side, the issue moves relatively well as the X-Men are separated and largely not back-and-forthing with one another but having somewhat terse conversations with the people around them. The issue also bounces around between the X-Men, who are inexplicably separated after they run into plot-device girl, so the pacing mostly keeps up. On the downside, though, this book continues to feature very few likable characters and very few likable plots. Doesn't really leave them in a particularly good spot.

Total Score: 2/5


Uncanny X-Men 26

Xavier's will has further split his X-Men, with Scott angry that Xavier was a hypocrite for not giving the extraordinarily powerful Matthew Malloy a chance to control his powers and everyone else angry at Scott for being a hypocrite and also for being Scott. Even though Scott doesn't want to, they go to find Malloy, running into SHIELD on the way. SHIELD saw the disaster Malloy just caused (perfect timing, Xavier's will!) and is on their way to try and take him down. Meanwhile, Scott's new X-team runs simulations fighting the Avengers in their Danger Room until healer Christopher muses (that's a pretty dope joke, you guys) that perhaps they're not the good guys if they're training to fight against the good guys, which leads to an equally dumb fight about the mutant revolution.

There are ideas here but they tend to be brought up and argued so clumsily (mostly just that every point is argued so immediately and so clearly ignoring other facts or ignoring reason for their own purposes) that it's easy to roll your eyes at them. I know that from personal experience. Obviously Christopher has the right idea (and whichever Stepford Cuckoo that says he should have picked up on it soon is right too) but it's a complicated issue when thinking about Scott's resentment that the Avengers haven't helped them enough and that SHIELD isn't really on their side and SHIELD tends to work with the Avengers so they may be guilty by association. However, it's brought up by a bunch of teenagers (and the thirty-year-old David) so it has all the tact and grace of a bunch of dumb teenagers arguing then all feeling like they maybe won the argument. That would then almost be excusable if that's not how the grown X-Men fight too.

Total Score: 3/5


Wolverine and the X-Men 9

Quentin Quire has seen his future and isn't thrilled by it so instead ends up sitting on a pile of money from the Phoenix Corporation and an insane amount of telepathic ability. Where go with all of that, plus a substantial resentment of Wolverine and the X-Men (the man and the team, not the series), but the Hellfire Club? He's now the White King of the Hellfire Club and throws himself a lavish birthday part that Wolverine tries to sneak into to have one last talk with Quire. He's found out and beaten pretty mercilessly until Quire hears him out. However, that doesn't go particularly well either as Quentin starts to command the partygoers, dressed as various X-Men, to attack Wolverine while Quentin responds to Wolverine's attempts, laying much of the blame for Quentin's future at his feet (and perhaps rightfully so, perhaps not, it's complicated). Finally Quire lets Wolverine go after forcing him to look inward for the source of the problem and revealing that Quire himself doesn't believe he won, just that Wolverine lost.

It's a tough blow to Wolverine, who has invested so much time on Quire and the other kids (which hasn't gone unnoticed and doesn't go unmentioned by Quire here) only to find that maybe they don't love him for it and maybe, if the future Quire saw is accurate, he didn't necessarily help things. It's a pretty good issue and like a lot of this series it's more complicated than it has to be, for better or worse. It's better because being a little more complicated allows Latour to go deeper and really get into some of the complexities of the characters, but it's also a little worse because it continues at times to be a little hard to keep straight (even writing the summary, which tends to settle out any issues I've had digesting the plot, didn't clear everything up nicely for me, but then maybe it's not meant to). Still, it's been as deep a character study on Quentin Quire as we've seen since his creation and it's not unimpressive for it. Also pretty strong art from Jorge Fornes throughout, and he's asked to draw quite a lot.

Total Score: 4/5

All-New X-Men 30, Amazing X-Men 10, X-Men 18

All-New X-Men 30
Bendis (w) and Pichelli (a) and Gracia (c) and Petit (l)

X-23 and Angel escaped all the drama to go on a date and spend the night in one of Warren's rich person apartments and Laura admits to not remembering much of the last night and does NO ONE find this a really, really creepy story? It can't just be me, right? I don't pick up on things all that easily and so feeling really creeped out by this scene must make it pretty obvious, right? Okay, anyway, Emma wants to train Jean but there's prolonged bad blood between them because they both keep failing the Bechdel test and I think they're trying to figure out who fails it harder? That's the takeaway, I think. Anyway, they end up bonding? Is there a person who cares about this?

Okay, look, I'll be the first to admit I'm in a bad mood today but I read this comic last night, when I was in a mildly better mood (until after I read the comic). I tried working out all the "benefit of a doubt" ways to talk about this issue but the bad mood has ensured those have all gone out the window. I'll still start it the same way: I know that I tend to badmouth Brian Michael Bendis on this blog a lot because I don't really care for his style and I think his characters, save a couple, are fairly weak. I have no real desire to badmouth him. I do believe there are reviewers and critics out there who legitimately enjoy the mean part of the job or the controversy of attacking well-liked writers/directors/actors/whatever. I am most definitely not one of those people so I hate coming off attacky at anyone, but especially Bendis who is clearly well-liked and well-regarded (he's gone from a couple of prime AVENGERS titles to a couple of prime X-MEN titles, not to mention all his other past books). THAT SAID, I absolutely hate this series and I really, really hate this issue. I talked a lot above about the strange and terrible women in this issue but that didn't even talk about Kitty's weird relationship or scratch the surface of how poorly written and out of character I think Laura was or REALLY about how uncomfortable the idea that Laura couldn't really remember the night before and woke up in one of Warren's homes with him shirtless and had to have Warren describe the night for her. I'm REALLY uncomfortable about that. Let's not forget, too, that this is the second issue since Laura's joined up with the team (not that long ago) where a cover has featured her making out on a dude, which seems both wrong and odd. And I get that Emma and Jean have this built-in sexist rivalry between them in their history but wouldn't it be a thousand times more interesting if they had some other thing to talk about? Other than ol' just-right porridge Scott Summers? They're two of the most powerful telepaths ever (despite Emma's current situation) and they go to train and they're like "HEY, LET'S CONTINUE COMPETING OVER SCOTT" and then they spend some time locked in each other's minds and just stand up laughing together because, as one of the Stepfords puts it, they've bonded. I want to complain about how incredibly lazy it is to just have two psychics stare at each other for a panel and then come out going "we're pals now!" but I'd have actually accepted a completely silent issue with Pichelli art because I think it'd be far stronger than this.

Total Score: 1/5


Amazing X-Men 10
Kyle and Yost (w) and Barberi and Coello (p) and Wong and Coello (i) and Rosenberg (c) and Caramagna (l)

Wolverine (and much of Canada) has been transformed into a Wendigo and the X-Men are having some trouble dealing with these problems. They keep whacking Wolverendigo away while they plot and Alpha Flight shows up and everybody jokes around a bit while the Avengers watch the border (plus side, the curse doesn't extend beyond Canadian borders) and they need to bring the injured Talisman to a very specific place that leads to the spirit realm but when they take her there they find it's also full o' Wendigos. Maybe this isn't the time for jokes, Bobby?

There is something of a strange tonal shift in this issue as the plight of the Wendigo suddenly becomes a little less serious with all these pals coming together and having a good time. I'll be honest, I think if this is the tone you set up in the first issue or two of this arc then it totally works. But where the first issue or two of this arc had a really serious tone, this one doesn't quite stick the landing. Some of the dialogue and jokes aren't bad and, if it were maybe a little more sparse, I think there's a way this could hit a little better. Instead, it feels out of place and oddly unsympathetic. Seriously Rockslide, pull yourself together. This is why no one brings you to any of the fights or uses you in any of these books.

Total Score: 3/5


X-Men 18
Guggenheim (w) and Tolibao (p) and Tadeo and Yeung (i) and Mounts (c) and Caramagna (l)

The X-Men are fighting an airborne AIM virus by burning it out of the air when Abigail Brand calls them to request their presence. A not-dead/not-paralyzed but certainly comatose Deathbird has suddenly turned up in orbit and Brand isn't sure why and wants a team of 3/5 psychics, particularly ones with experience with Deathbird (who happens to be Rachel Grey's aunt by marriage) and the Kree, to check the situation out. She's also called in Cecilia Reyes to examine Deathbird. The whole thing, though, is interrupted when Sidrian Hunters attack the Peak, coming for Deathbird or, as Cecilia reveals, Deathbird's unborn child.

There are some interesting moments here and Guggenheim has a pretty good feel for the humor he wants to bring to the team. Sometimes, though, it overloads a little and the dialogue ends up slowing a bit more than you'd like, taking something away from the action and the story itself. Good dialogue, particularly good funny dialogue, should never really feel like a slog and while Guggenheim certainly  isn't writing poorly, parts of the issue start to drag. Still not a bad issue and it left me interested where the story would go.

All-New X-Men 22, X-Men 9, Marvel Knights X-Men 3

All-New X-Men 22
Bendis (w) and S. Immonen and von Grawbadger (a) and Gracia (c)

The ANXM team is back from their meeting with the Purifiers and everyone's relaxing their own way. For Scott and Jean (and, inadvertently, Warren), that means arguing about her knowing the future and being upset and Scott being upset and drama and so on and so forth. The fight ends as Jean storms off and is promptly kidnapped by suddenly attacking aliens who, according to Kitty, seem to be Shi'ar. They put everyone attacking them in bubble forcefields and take Jean away in one without a giant fight. As soon as they've left, the Guardians of the Galaxy pop by and realize that they're too late.

Right off the bat the pacing feels a little strange in this one. Things move pretty well for the second half of the book but the first half is largely made up of Scott and Jean fighting across a cafeteria table (and across Warren for comic relief). Though the back-and-forth dialogue is pretty prevalent in this scene, I actually think that it works here because they're meant to be kind of quickly shouting at one another and it doesn't often step into strange asides and quips. Instead, it feels like a real fight. So my problem, then, isn't with the writing of this scene, it's with the length of it. Maybe halfway through it I think it's safe to say it could have ended. There's even an out there that could have still sent Jean walking away and the issue progressing from there. It might be an attempt by Bendis at trying to give just a little more characterization to the three characters present in whatever way he can but it feels like it just overstayed its welcome, causing readers to have to push through the end of a fight they already fully understand and, worse still, to which they know the ending. Still, it's not one of the weaker issues of the series for that, as the pacing almost immediately picks up (though again, I'd say there's a bit of waste in the second half insofar as how often people explain what's happening in the fight, but that's pretty petty, even by my own admission) and the ending paves the way for the now started TRIAL OF JEAN GREY. Solid Immonen artwork on this one but, then again, it's always solid Immonen artwork.

X-Men 9
Wood (w) and T. Dodson and R. Dodson (a) and Keith, Woodard, and Mossa (c)

Lady Deathstrike has moved her operation, along with Enchantress and Typhoid Mary, to a new office in Dubai where she hopes to power her small team up and hopes to bring Arkea to life. The X-Men are trying to track them but not finding much until Jubilee and Karima find a Cortes jet landing in Dubai. Monet is ready to strike and aimed at the top seven floors of the building, all of which are owned by Cortes and seem empty, aside from the villains. Monet blasts through but it's just too late; Arkea has already been revived, taking the body of Cortes' assistant Reiko, and amped up the powers of the other three. Enchantress, her powers fully restored, manages to grab and hold Monet until she loses consciousness while Mary and Arkea escape. Mary and Arkea talk about the X-Men, whose databases Arkea still retains from her first appearance, and it gives Arkea an idea: she begins to take over other entities all over the world (including, possibly, Karima again) and plans to attack the X-Men on every home base she knows.

The stakes are pretty quickly rising here as Arkea comes back online. There's still plenty of intrigue and questions as Sublime returns to the X-Men to help for one reason or another but it's largely out in the open now as the audience is privy to Arkea's rebirth and her plan going forward. The team building and characterization is mostly in the actions of characters as everyone has her role and takes to it immediately, with Jubilee and Karima trying to track Arkea, Storm and Psylocke meeting with Arab superhero and peacekeeper Sabra to ensure their fight with Arkea keeps from starting a war, Monet as the strike force, and Rachel probing Sublime for information and directing the others. Everyone has an individual voice, even as some of our characters have fewer lines and are maybe a little out of focus. Meanwhile, the plot is running full tilt now and our players are largely accounted for, though there are hints that Arkea might be picking up new enemies for her sisterhood, as Enchantress deems it. As X-MEN moves firmly out of the event it was wrapped up in, it's progressing extremely well with Brian Wood doing his "raising all the stakes" thing perfectly as expected. Good stuff, excited to see what comes of it.

Marvel Knights X-Men 3
Revel (w and a) and Peter (c)

As the X-Men onsite begin to see their memories come to life as a result of Darla, powered up by Krystal's drugs, things start to break down pretty rapidly. Tons of old X-Men villains and horrors descend on the town and tensions immediately start running high, particularly from Wolverine, who has apparently gone crazy and is set on killing Darla for what he saw in her memories and what's happening all around them. As he and Rogue fight pretty brutally over it, Kitty tries to get Krystal to safety. Meanwhile, a mysterious group practically running the town and creating the drug that everyone in the town has been using, a mutant drug born of a mutant who arrived in the town some time ago, is ready to jump into the fight and do so by killing the sheriff of the town, Krystal's uncle Jasper. As Kitty and Krystal try to get away, an entity that Krystal refers to as Jasper appears in the car and attacks Kitty from behind, forcing her to phase through the moving vehicle and stranding her on the road in front of a mob of angry townspeople.

The chaos of this book is really ramping up and it's easy to lose track if you miss a single panel. In that respect, the interesting and rather gorgeous art is almost a hindrance to the book as you kind of want to skip the writing just to look at the artwork. It's the sort of book that might take a couple read-throughs to really comprehend (and even then I'm not sure I've got it all) and to really see it. I'm not the type to start complaining about pretty and experimental art in a book. The plot is maybe a little convoluted but this is the sort of story that I'd like to see the results before I officially condemn the plot. I think that it's something that could wrap up really nicely or could go entirely south depending on how Revel moves from here. This serves, then, as a very interesting midway point for the limited series and continues to set itself apart from a lot of the other books on the shelves with its action, its intimate team, and its artwork. Pretty neat issue, looking forward to how this one wraps.

X-Men 12

THIS IS NOT A REVIEW OF X-MEN 12. ALSO, "X-MEN 12" REFERS TO X-MEN NUMBER 12. LIKE, THE VERY FIRST X-MEN SERIES ISSUE 12.



Sometimes people ask me what the very best comic of all time is. Or they SHOULD. I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t say, though, is X-Men 12. If you ask what my favorite comic was, I might say X-Men 12.

KEEP OUT! yells Cyclops. YOU CAN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS THING I
CLEARLY KNOW ABOUT BECAUSE...um, because we TOTALLY trust you.

As you’ll see above, this is the issue where we learn the ORIGIN OF PROFESSOR X. If you want to learn for yourself, DON’T READ ON. If you want to hear what I have to say on it, it’s because Professor X was a mutant and his bro, Cain Marko, was jealous and then became the Juggernaut and hated Prof. X. So. You know. That’s a good story. Xavier sits the X-Men down and tells them, at what would appear to be the most inopportune time, about his past. So there's our frame. And though Xavier tells the story, he evens it out by pointing out just how much he deserved Cain's hatred. There was one time where Cain started poking at all the ill-begotten trophies Charles had “earned” (by being a mutant) and Charles shoved him, then read his thoughts to gain the advantage in the fight. Yeah, so Cain’s a bully but Charles is also kind of a prick?

ANYWAY, Cain and Charles go off to the Korean War (after Cain jumps out of a car that plummets off a cliff with Charles inside. It’s cool, though, because Charles created a mental shield with his “E.S.P. powers,” which means extra-sensory perception/mind reading and doesn’t mean “holy crap I can keep myself shielded from falling off cliffs in cars,” weirdly. It doesn’t. I looked it up) and Cain decides to lay low in a cave for most of the war, despite Charles telling him that "THAT’S COURT-MARTIALABLE, YOU FOOL." And there he dons the crimson bands of Cyttorak and becomes the unstoppable Juggernaut.

Charles, do you realize what that means?

AND HE’S ATTACKING THE SCHOOL FOR MUTANTS RIGHT NOW! 

Couple of things here: Hank, you clearly know what a chair is. None of us buy that you've never sat in a chair before. Just...just sit down. Also, stop making light of Professor X's ridiculous story. And Jean's powers seem to be...womanly intuition? And by intuition, I mean she can see faces and interpret what feelings the person wearing them has. Invaluable skills. Strong female character.

So everyone’s worried and Juggernaut is proving REALLY powerful. He gets through their actually pretty detailed defenses, including a wall of pure ice (geez, wonder who thought THAT one up, ICEMAN) and some logs that shoot sleep gas grenades out at him when he hits a trip wire! That’s a pretty cool defense, actually! I’m genuinely impressed by the work these high school students have done to defend their SCHOOL. It’s especially interesting when you consider that he appears to be the only one who could get through all these defenses and none of these students have the faintest idea who he is. They are only learning about him JUST NOW. Look, Professor X, I know you’ve been busy with all your intense training schedules and what-not for these kids, but maybe you should have warned them that your brother is an unstoppable being who totally hates you. Because you know what time isn’t a really appropriate time to tell your students about Juggernaut? When Juggernaut’s attacking your students. Professor X disagrees.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT! Gather round, children, gather round. No time to tarry!
He could kill us any second and you have to know why.

Look Bobby, I'm in the middle of something here. Just chill out.
Do you guys get it? Chill out. Because of the ice. 

HANK, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STOP BUTTING IN AGAIN. One more interruption
and I'll have to give you a detention and you won't be allowed to fight Juggernaut.

Well at least you have your priorities straight, Professor. Look, are you even a professor, or did you just tell a bunch of dumb kids you were?